In the final installment, we will explore how my experience of my world improved.
My quest to figure out what it means to be me, lead me down a path of great learning. Here is where I discovered how driven we are by our emotions and the need to feel safe.
Here is a quick overview of the things I learned, which completely changed my — and many of my clients’ — experience of how we’d been doing life:
- The mind is an incredibly powerful tool that I am in control of
- There is no such thing as a bad emotion, nor do our emotions define us — it is all information; our internal GPS, if you will
- Perspective is everything
- Life isn’t meant to be hard. We unnecessarily over-complicate things
- It’s almost never personal
- Trauma is often a stuck emotion — that wasn’t allowed to be fully felt and released
- Money is infinite / Time is finite (this was a biggie, especially given the narratives I grew up around)
- Your expectations of another, cannot exceed more than they are willing and able to do for themselves
- At the core of us all, is the desire to be seen, heard, understood, and accepted
- We all share the same core fears
My journey, healing, and growth has allowed me to flip the script on outdated parenting stories and transform my relationship with my daughters. They are not extensions of me and have thoughts and feelings of their own. They are their own person, with their own personality and desires.
The way I show up in my relationships has improved. As a once chronic people pleaser, I realize that the way I was showing up, is now an outdated program my mind had been running. This programming stemmed from years of hearing “what will people think if…”, as well as doing what I needed to ensure a sense of safety and belonging, in my younger years.
I am now cognizant of the times I make someone else’s issues my own and when my actions might indirectly be screaming, “don’t leave me”. This awareness allows me to reflect and nourish the parts of me, looking for wholeness in someone or something outside of myself.
Friendships and relationships no longer feel so one-sided, since understanding that I have been attracting what I have been giving to myself. I have gotten clear on how best to fill my cup, and raise the standard of what I allow in.
Understanding that I am not my emotion has been monumental. Separating myself from my anger or sadness or fear or frustration, lessens its grip on me, making it possible to look for the lesson or meaning hidden in the feeling — or to simply, let it pass. It allows me to take responsibility for how I feel in response to another.
You are just a few choices away from changing the standard of what you allow in.
Change is hard.
Staying where you are is hard.
Choose your hard.
I can help and support you in doing the necessary work to improve your experience of your world, too.
Nina is a former Social Worker (MSW), turned SAHM, turned certified Life Coach — and coming this fall, a children’s book author. She is committed to helping parents connect with the kids they have, and heal the kid they once were. Her loves include; her daughters, their cat, leggings, nature, cooking, baking… and pizza!